My husband does not lift.
Shocker, right?
He did for a while. A year or two after I started, he started, too. His goals were to get stronger, gain muscle, and gain some weight. He went to the gym three times a week while I made specific meals for him, bought him his own protein powders, and made him high-calorie shakes to help him get his calories and protein.
It worked. He gained a good 7-10 pounds over the 6 or so months he kept at it.
But he eventually stopped. I don’t remember why.
Then last March, I came across a high school classmate who was leaving town and selling his garage gym equipment. My husband decided he wanted it so he could work out at home. We wound up with an adjustable bench press/squat rack combo, an Olympic barbell, an EZ bar, dumbbells ranging from 15 pounds to 55 pounds, a plate rack, rubber floor mats, and 500 pounds in plates.
We have had this all in our basement for over a year, and I can count on one hand the number of complete workouts my husband has completed with it.
So what gives? He’s married to a trainer who has a nutrition degree. He hears me talk about the importance of strength training and proper nutrition all the time. And he acknowledges the need for healthy eating; he’s let me convert many of his meals to far healthier, protein-rich, veggie-laden options. Why isn’t he also on the gains train yet?
I’m sure he would answer this with all kinds of reasons. I don’t have the time. I’m too tired after work. I don’t know what to do. I’m too worried about other things. I need to mow the lawn, wash the car, trim the trees, pick my nose—you get the gist.
But really, all those reasons point to one underlying reason:
He does not see a discrepancy between where he is and where he wants to be.
This is usually the thing that creates deep-rooted intrinsic motivation in people. For example, when I quit smoking, there was a gap between what I was (a 27-year-old-pack-or-more-a-day smoker who was emotionally reliant on cigarettes for stress relief) and what I wanted to be (a healthy woman with the ability to do anything I wanted without relying on a substance that was going to kill me). If I wanted to be healthier, to deal with stress in more productive ways, I was going to have to quit smoking. The old me and the potential me could not coexist, so the old me had to go.
I quit without no relapses. Ever. I was intrinsically motivated. Smoking was no longer a valid part of my chosen identity.
My husband isn’t at that point yet. He knows what strength training will do for him. He knows he won’t get rid of his occasionally achy knee or his work-from-home back pain until he starts lifting again. As a tall skinny guy, he knows his bone density will also be an issue in 15-20 years if he doesn’t train.
He’s no dummy. He’s not denying any of those logical reasons to lift.
He just does not see himself as that person yet. And until he does, he won’t be able to fully commit.
The same concept goes for you and your fitness efforts. If you don’t see a discrepancy between where you are and what you want to be, you won’t change. So how can you harness this? How can you start to envision your potential self and get your own intrinsic motivation snowballing?
Start thinking about what your life might feel like, look like, sound like if you were more fit. Would you be a better parent if you could run around with your kids? Would you be a better partner if you felt more secure about your body? Would you perform better at your job if you had healthier habits? Would you find yourself thinking more clearly or more positively if you had an outlet for your stress and anxiety?
Then really tell yourself the truth—are you comfortable as you are, today? Or are you yearning to be more?
When your discomfort in the present becomes too heavy, you’re ready to commit to a better self in the future.
Once you find that intrinsic motivation, hold on to it. Remember it. And act on it, everyday.
It’s your potential. It’s your tomorrow. That’s pretty precious.
About the author
Kristen Perillo
Kristen Perillo is a teacher by day, trainer and nutrition coach by night. She's also a Star Wars nerd, writer, dog (and cat) mom, peanut butter junkie, and Seinfeld devotee. Fitness has done nothing but make her life better, and she is privileged to show other people that it will do the same for them.
Recent Comments