It’s 8:00 on a Tuesday night. You’ve already had dinner, and now you’re watching television and thinking about going to bed when it hits you:
You’re starving. Man, does chocolate ever sound fantastic right now.
One piece of chocolate won’t hurt, right? Besides, you’ve had a tough week. You had great workouts and got tons of work accomplished, so a piece of chocolate before bed sounds like an appropriate treat.
You’ve pretty much convinced yourself to grab that Hershey’s bar when something else hits you:
Guilt.
It’s bad to eat chocolate, right? Shouldn’t you try to be good instead?
The guilt glues you to the couch, and now you’re paralyzed by indecision. Treat yourself and feel guilty after? Or skip it and feel deprived? There seems to be no in between. You’re screwed no matter which one you pick.
This is the problem with eating according to your feelings. No matter what you choose, when you let your emotions pick your food, you’re more likely to see your food choices as a measure of personal worth rather than a tool for reaching goals and a source of health. Eat a salad? You’re a good girl. Devour a sundae? Tsk, tsk—you’re a bad girl.
We tend to think of emotional eating as stress eating, such as eating a pint of ice cream after a break up. Or during a pandemic.
But ANY eating that isn’t meant to fulfill physical hunger is emotional eating, such as eating when you’re:
- Bored
- Sad
- Lonely
- Tired
- Regretful
- Guilt-ridden
- Happy
- Insecure
- Scared
- Annoyed
And any other thing you’re feeling that spurs you to eat, even if you don’t realize what you’re feeling.
None of this means you should never eat chocolate.
But don’t avoid it because of guilt. Don’t eat it because of loneliness. And if you find yourself eating with your feelings, good or bad, quite often, start every food choice with a bit of thinking:
Are you actually hungry? If you are, protein and veggies will satisfy you; if those don’t sound like they will do the trick, you’re probably experiencing an emotional craving instead.
Will this food serve your health goals? And if it doesn’t, will it set your goals back? Hint: if you are questioning whether a food will cause a set back, it probably will. We don’t ask that question about broccoli. That doesn’t make a food bad; it just means you’ll have to own that resulting setback as a choice you’ve made, too.
Will this food make you feel better or happier, or will it make you feel worse or guilty? A yes to either of those questions is a sign you’re eating for emotional need rather than hunger.
And lastly, ask yourself if this is a situation you’ve found myself in before. If you always crave chocolate at night, you’re not eating from hunger—you’re eating from an emotional habit you’ve built up via prior decisions. Now might be the time to skip the chocolate and re-pattern those behaviors. Ask yourself what you’re really getting out of the chocolate habit. Is it covering up boredom? Guilt? Stress? Exhaustion? Whatever it is, food will never change the root of your emotions. The sooner you become aware you are eating for emotional reasons instead of true hunger, the faster you can start changing those decisions and choosing better emotional outlets.
There are times in our lives when our emotions are legitimately running the show, such as after a great loss or tragedy. It’s obvious to us, in those times, that we are sad or grieving and need to cut ourselves some slack.
But there are also plenty of times when our emotions are more subtly telling us what to eat and when. And those subtle, everyday moments—when we are sitting on the couch after dinner on a random Tuesday night—are the ones for which we have to be on the lookout. Those are the moments that build our habits, that truly determine our futures, because those are the decisions we will repeat, again and again, and those are the moments that give rise to the adage that we are what we eat.
You aren’t your emotions. Stop eating them.
About the author
Kristen Perillo
Kristen Perillo is a teacher by day, trainer and nutrition coach by night. She's also a Star Wars nerd, writer, dog (and cat) mom, peanut butter junkie, and Seinfeld devotee. Fitness has done nothing but make her life better, and she is privileged to show other people that it will do the same for them.
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